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Three men in a boat
Jerome K. Jerome
UNCLE ROGER AND THE PICTURE
I remember my Uncle Roger. Everybody in the house had to help when Uncle
Roger did a job. When they bought a picture once, his wife asked, ‘Now, where
shall we put this?’
“Oh. I’ll do it. Don’t worry about it I’ll do it all myself”, he said and then he
took off his coat to begin. He sent one of the girls out to buy some nails, and
then he sent one of the ‘boys to tell her how big the nails should be. ‘Now Bill,
you go and get my hammer.’ he shouted. And bring me a ruler, Tom. And, Jim, I
need a ladder— and a kitchen chair too. Marry, you stay here to hold the light —
and, Tom, come here. You can give me the picture.’
Then he lifted the picture up ... and he dropped it. He tried to catch the glass
and he cut himself. He looked for something to put round his finger, and he
could not find anything. So he danced round the house, and he shouted at
everyone.
Half an hour later, the finger was tied up. They bought a new glass, and
everything was ready. Uncle Roger tried again. His family stood round him.
They were all ready to help. Two people held the chair, the third helped him to
get on it, the fourth gave him a nail, and the fifth passed him the hammer. He
took the nail and he dropped it!
So everybody started looking for it. At last we found the nail, but then he lost
the hammer.
‘Where is the hammer? What did I do with the hammer? There are seven of
you here. And you don’t know where the hammer is!’
We found the hammer for him, but then he lost the place on the wall where he
was going to put the picture. So each of us had to get up on the chair and look
for the place. And each of us thought that it was a different place.
Then Uncle Roger tried again himself. This time he fell off the chair on to the
piano. His head and his body hit the piano at the same time: the music was
beautiful, but Uncle Roger’s words were not as beautiful. Aunt Mary was not
pleased. She said that she did not want the children to listen to those terrible
words. Then she added, next time you are going to put a picture on the wall,
please tell me. I’ll go and spend a week with my mother.’
Uncle Roger got up and tried again, and finally, at midnight the picture was
on the wall. It was not very straight, and everyone was very tired and unhappy.
Uncle Roger looked at the picture proudly and said, that it was only a little job.